# Off-topic Rants

I must have completely zoned out when I read the description of this film. If I had consciously known it was about an abortion, there is no way in hell I would have gone and seen it. I must have also tuned out when people were talking about this film they’ve seen with a drawn out abortion scene in it. For some reason, I was sure this title referred to a movie about a marriage – but I was completely wrong. Set in the Soviet block during the final days of communism, this is a gritty tale about two female students in Bucharest, one of whom is pregnant. Rather than give birth to the child, she has decided to ask her friend for help in organising an illegal termination. With an extremely limited budget, the girls are forced to call on the services of a dodgy backyard operator, in a hotel room. As I said, this is not the sort of film I’d normally go and see. I hate blood, and medical procedures. The thought of watching a poor and desperate young student go through a risky, prohibited and life threatening procedure in a dirty hotel room gives me the chills. However, this was a really good film. It still scared the hell out of me, and was seriously depressing, moving and hard to watch – but the characters and situations seemed so unfortunately real and the film had such well scripted dialogue, that it’s very hard not to appreciate how great a film this really is. It’s not a complex film – there are only a few key characters and a very simple plot, however it’s incredibly dramatic. Watching a dubious abortion take place was too much for a lot of people – there were several that left the theatre near the start of the movie; they obviously didn’t pay attention to the blurb either. But luckily, because I’m too stubborn, I stayed till the end. Although hard to watch, I felt it was an important movie to stick with for some reason. I think I just really cared about the characters (or at least just Otilia). I never want to watch it again – but I’m glad I made it to the end without fainting.

This is a documentary about the mystery disappearance of the Warhol Factory’s Danny Williams in 1966. Williams was in love with the art of lighting and film making, but was also heavily experimenting with drugs, sleeping with his male boss, Andy Warhol, and falling in and out with the other artists. It’s a film that sets out to discover what really happened the night he left his car on a cliff face, by looking over never-seen-before footage, including many films Williams made at the Factory, and interviewing friends, family and co-workers, about his past. It’s an interesting insight into a man’s life. Personally, I found it a tad boring – as I didn’t really know much about Williams coming into the film, and the way he was portrayed, meant that I didn’t really care to learn more. It was cut together pretty well – mixing interviews and archive footage, and some of the interviews were incredibly interesting, however, the film as a whole just didn’t grab me.

This is a very simple, very real, and very gritty tale about a woman who visits her grandson at his army base in war-torn Chechnya. There is no visible fighting or battles during this film, as it’s purely a point of view of the grandmother as she reunites with her grandson, and chats to the other young soldiers at the camp. Visually, the film is shot in stunning monochrome, with striking faded, dirty and rough production design. This is a very slow film. We just stick with the grandma as she slowly stumbles around the camp. Everyone in the film seems exhausted. It successfully portrays that war is far from exciting – it’s extremely tough work and essentially soul destroying. That said, it’s not strictly anti-war – it more of an observational piece. Take out of it what you will. Personally, although I respected the acting, directing, cinematography, production design and sound design, I found this film to be too humdrum and long-winded. I fell asleep a couple of times, and didn’t really pay that much attention when I was actually awake. It’s very sad – and makes you really hate war and what it does to all these young people; however it’s a very draining film. Beautifully crafted – but not my sort of film…

This is a very simple film about a person living alone on home detention (after obviously coming out of jail recently), preparing for a Christmas lunch for his teenage niece, sister in law accompanied by her latest boyfriend. But things quickly turn sour when an old friend reveals a disturbing truth about the new boyfriend. The whole film has been designed to look as if it’s done in a single steady cam take, which gives you a very painstaking detailed view of every single thing that happens in the story. It’s made to look as if it’s playing out in real time – and it works. The start seems a tad slow – as we watch Chris, the main character prepare, but things quickly speed up as the other characters are introduced. When the truth about the new boyfriend is reveal tension soon hits an all time high. At first I thought the acting was pretty average – the dialogue seemed very unnatural. However, I soon came to the realisation that in this situation, this is how these people would have really talked. The sound design was pretty average – it felt as if a whole lot of stock standard “outdoor sounds” were playing in repeat mode. The cinematography was basic – yet impressive, if only because it was using natural lighting, and yet you never saw a stray boom or crew shadow. This film was pretty good. It had its slow moments, but the drama and the tension at the end made up for it. It’s a very emotional film – I really fell for the characters. But it wasn’t a masterpiece.

What a complete and utter load of shit. I remember watching an interview with David Lynch a couple of months back and thinking, “this guy is an idiot”. He completely ignored the intelligent Italian interviewer, claiming he couldn’t understand him, despite the fact that the TV host spoke better English than Lynch. This movie was horrible. The only problem is that I feel a little bit guilty bagging the crap out of it because I had to leave early and haven’t actually seen the end. But that’s Lynch’s fault as well! The film ran for way too long – so long that it went well past the departure time of the last train out of the city, much to my dismay. Then again, what I did see was dreadful, so there was no real way it could have recovered itself. This film was obviously just made to be different and challenge its viewers. It was certainly different – but not in a good way. The photography was uncomfortable with extreme close ups and badly framed images. The editing was sometimes predictable but mostly seemingly random and without real motive. A lot of the shots were out of focus for no particular reason. Everything about this film was random and completely over the top. From rabbits speaking gibberish to prostitutes singing and dancing – this film really had it all. But it was really boring to watch. It did have some funny moments and some good characters. I really loved the producer character as he tried to collect money from crew in charity. The lead lady was acted incredibly well – she must have gone through hell making this film. But the film itself, and admittedly I haven’t seen the end – was just a complete and utter waste of time. I’m sure some boring film geek could make up reasons for why every shot was there, but I honestly think this was just a lot stuff thrown on paper for just the hell of it. It’s more of an experimental film than anything else. Personally – I hated it. It drove me batty. But I still want to see the end…

This is a very odd, yet surprisingly entertainment and perplexing film about a young American who barely makes a living as a Michael Jackson impersonator in Paris. He loves “being” Michael – but he’s obviously unhappy with his life as it currently stands. Things take a turn for the better when a fake Marilyn Monroe makes an appearance whilst he’s performing at a retirement village. He’s instantly attracted to her, and when she suggests that he should come back with her to a self-sufficient community far away, “where no one gets old” and she lives with her husband Charlie Chaplin, daughter Shirley Temple, plus a host of other phoney celebrities, he decides to pack up and come along for the ride. The film is primarily about a three way relationship between Michael, Marilyn and Charlie and their crazy lifestyle. However, it also follows a separate and completely unrelated story about nuns jumping out of planes and surviving. It’s almost like watching a feature film on the TV and having strange ads in between. This film is very bizarre, but as the characters are all so fascinating, the film really hooks you in. It’s not a comedy in the traditional sense – although there are some funny moments. There is a lot of drama and heartache, as we watch these unusual characters go about their strange existence. To be honest, I’m not sure if I understood “the bigger picture” of this film – or even if there was a common theme throughout the whole film. However, despite this, I was fascinated by what I was watching and some of the visual (especially the opening and closing shots) were beautifully shot. A very different film – but one well worth watching!

This is a great short New Zealand film about a brother and sister, who live in fear of their overly protective father. They mother is no longer in their lives for some unspecified reason, and as a result the father focuses all of his attention on making sure his children are the best they can be. He forces his daughter to play the piano, not allowing her to play her own thing as well as forcing both his children to run for quite a distance to ensure they keep healthy. His persistence turns to violence if they don’t play by his rules. This is a tale about two siblings who eventually team together, as brother and sister should, to overcome their fears and obstacles. Some of the acting in this film seemed a little bit suspect; although it’s hard to tell if that was due to bad acting, or whether the characters would actually be like that in a real world situation. The production values were fantastic – as is to be expected with these heavily funded short films. It had a good build up to a very satisfying, although slightly cliché conclusion.

This is one of the best slasher/horror/comedy film’s I’ve ever seen. Completely sick, absolutely hilarious, and extremely terrifying – this film really had it all. A team of sales executives from an international arms company head to a corporate retreat in the forests of Hungary for a morale-building exercise. But when the come across a road block due to a fallen tree, they are forced to walk to their far-away lodge. They make it – safely, but are soon hunted down one by one by a mystery man in the woods. This film exceeds all expectations. It manipulates the audience every step of the way with perfect precision. The English humour is fantastic – with touches of The Office, and Shaun of the Dead thrown in for good measure. There are a lot of scenes that are so sick they make you laugh – and scenes so scary they’ll make you hide. The set ups and payoffs are by far the best I’ve seen in a while. I really loved this film and I’m finding it impossible to fault. The acting was perfect, the locations were perfect, it has great sound and visuals, so many funny moments, and some great special effects. I came out of this film feeling extremely satisfied!

This is a beautiful and very well acted short film about two teenagers living in a small Mexican town. Sofia, a beautiful young lady, hates her life and the fact that her mother sleeps around, and doesn’t seem to care about her in the slightest. Jonas on the other hand, has a lovely mother, who really cares about him. Sofia and Jonas begin to form a relationship, but Sofia wants to leave the town for good. It’s a story about Jonas struggle to head off with this intriguing, yet unstable young lady, or stay at home with his loving mum. The acting in this short film is truly top class. I really loved this film. It was shot beautifully, and had good sound design. But what drew me in were the characters. They felt so real. This is not a happy film, but gives a great insight into the lives of two young lovers who have very different backgrounds, despite living in the same small town.

This is a marvellous short film about two ladies, who live in the small country town of Katoomba, and both want to get out and travel the world. Everything looks as if it’s going to plan until one of the girl’s falls quickly and deeply in love with a new man to the town. This newly formed relationship essentially destroys the tight bond between the girls. The acting and casting for this short film is perfect – both lead ladies are such lovable and real characters. The supporting cast is also spot on, and adds such a great degree of realism to the film. The locations are beautiful. The cinematography is superb, although I think there may have been something wrong with the projection as the whole film appeared to be slightly soft in focus. It looks like it was shot and projected on film, despite the fact that the images looked as if they had very little resolution. Regardless, the film was so good that any technical glitches didn’t matter in the slightest. The musical score was suburb and really added to the mood of the film. This is a film essentially about friendship, about how a friendship can suddenly end, and about growing up. This is one of my favourable short films, simply because it’s so beautiful to watch thanks to a fantastic location and a fantastic cast.